talkinwhipapediafandomcom-20200213-history
Neighborly Melange
(Ring) Hello? (LPC Sound effects persist throughout call). Yeah? You there? (Unintelligible, perhaps “Yes, sir.”) Yeah, this is Wilder, your neighbor. Next door to us? Yeah, I feel that there’s been an exceeding amount of commotion coming out of there. We haven’t been there today. Well, I meant at night, there fella. And I’ve heard just about enough, if you want to know the God’s honest truth. (SFX) Wha, wha, what neighbor are you talking about there, fella? So, what can we do about it now, ‘cause I’ve heard enough, my family’s heard enough, and I’ve had visitors who’ve heard enough. Enough is enough, is what I’m trying to say. Well which neighbor do you have? I’m your neighbor there, smart man. And I’d like to resolve this. You talking about on Eve Street, right? Oh (SFX) exactly. Now, what do you propose to do up ‘ere? (Unintelligible) Well, I could come out and talk to ya. I’ve heard enough, why don’t you… …Do what? I’ve heard enough, there fella. And I’ve heard enough from you and your dogs and your cats and your birds. I just have. We, we just put the dogs up. Well you should do it a little earlier in the day, there fella. Earlier?!? Yeah! This just don’t make sense. Now, you’re talking about the ones that just moved in, across the street, right? Buddy, you’re not making a lick of sense up ‘ere. (SFX) So I would like to have you pipe down, put your dogs away, turn your TV down, and just bring it down a notch. Look, I can bring it down, but the dogs don’t even bark. One of them don’t even have a barker on him anymore. Ah, that’s malarkey. Malarkey?!? Yeah! (SFX). Just who are you, guy? I’m Wilder. Like Van Wilder? Ohhhh, I don’t know is that some kind of jibber-jabber, or something? (SFX) What’s that in the background? Is that somebody else you got over there playing too? That’s coming from your end, there. My end's right over here. I'm in my yard, guy. I heard a flute, I heard some kind of kettle drums. I heard everything from you. We sold our kettle drums at the last yard sale. Who is this? Why don't you just listen up? Get a cotton swab or do some cotton-pickin' thing, 'cause I've said it two, three times now. (SFX) unintelligible I'm just tryin' to get your angle here, fella. Who do you work for, anyhow? (Echo) Who do you work for, and who are you? Wiley Sanders' Truck and who's askin'? What are you tryin' to prove, is what I want to know. With all this commotion - you got sounds here and there, and everywhere. (SFX) I can't make out what your objective is here, as a matter of fact. It's doin' it again, there's somethin' in the background. (SFX) At your place? Yeah. What do you got, like a Komodo dragon or somethin' movin' around? (SFX) (Laugh) We have two fish, three dogs, and a cat that's on its last legs here. Well, be quiet, and put your kettle drum away. (SFX) It's doin' it again. Do you hear it on your end, 'cause I'm gettin' some feedback. I've got ringin' in my ears from all the noise and anarchy that you've got at your house. I'm not with the Commie bullshit, cut it. You're startin' to cut too deep. I'm gonna call the district attorney, ya read me? Do you read me? (SFX) I read you. Don't call nobody, don't call no attorney. We can figure this out, we don't have to get nobody involved. Why don't you stand out in your yard, (SFX) have a couple hundred-dollar bills handy so that I can get a motel room, and then I'll call it good. Y'know what I mean? I'm walkin' out there now, where ya at? Where ya goin'? Ya comin' down Eve Street right now? I'm on the toilet right now, but I'm gonna come out there and I'm gonna straighten it out with ya, ya got me? (SFX) Did you just say you were on the shitter, guy? 200 dollars and then I'll resolve it with ya, but less than that, I'm not even interested in talkin' to ya. (SFX) I got 30 dollars in pennies, will that suffice? Listen, guy. I dunno what your objective is, but I need ya to pipe down, be quiet, or I'm gonna get the district attorney down here, and... Do you realize that you're talkin' to Reggie Owens? This is Reggie Owens. See, there's another guy there, isn't there? What do you mean by that? (To his wife) Sweetheart, put the kids up, some crazy's out in the yard. I mean, you're sittin' there takin' a shit, you're causin' so much chaos over here, we're just sittin' down to eat a meal, and then you call me with this horseshit. Why don't you pipe down, use your brain, and turn down your TV, put your kettle drum away, and turn down your TV? (SFX) What is this "kettle drum" that you- there's somebody in the background, you hear it again? Buddy, your mind is playin' tricks with you, or, if ya got half a mind. (SFX) I'm gonna come up there, and I'm gonna shove you around... Don't you dare start with the threats. Don't even start with the threats. I'm gonna let you have it, there, smart guy. No you ain't! I've heard enough. I've been up for two nights in a row because of your nonsense. It's nonsense! Margie told us next door told us that y'all are nothin' but a damn bunch of heatherns sic, and now you're callin' me, harassin' me? I don't know what else to do over here! Nonsense - it's pure nonsense! (SFX) Look - I'm gonna demand? that you stop this nonsense! You're gonna need an Ace bandage, when I'm done with ya. You just are. (SFX) An Ace bandage? Bring some gauze and some sutures, too, some butterfly sutures, while you're at it, guy. Why? This is downright ridiculous. I've heard enough from you and your ducklings, or whatever ya got. Ducklings?! It's two fish, they're small kois that we got from a pond. How do you know this, guy? I've been hearin' it! I've been kept awake all night! (SFX) You can't hear saltwater fish! For the last damn time, I've told you! You got a drum circle, I dunno what you're doin'. (SFX) Look, they're in the background. Get in the bedroom right now! Who is this? You tell me right now who this is. Wilder. Van Wilder, right? That's my name. And where are you from? Nobody in Alabama acts like this. Do you realize that, sir? What, you mean with common decency? (Laugh) Common decency?! This guy here, (cough) you got my damn blood pressure up. I don't even know how to think straight! Put the damn kids to bed! When I figure out who this is, fella, do you realize what a world of pain I'm gonna bring? How big of a fella are ya? I'm about 5'1", 180 pounds. (Laugh) 180 pounds? 5'1"? Ya wanna make somethin' of it? Ya sound like an Oompa-Loompa, bud. Ya wanna make somethin' of it? unintelligible Yeah, I wanna throw these hands around. Won't ya come help me out with that, bud... neighbor? You couldn't kick your own ass, there, smart man. Joke's on you, 'cause I could. I would beat my ass if I was able to. Do you realize that? Why don't you just close your mouth, turn off your TV, put your drums away, and just shut 'er down for the night? I've had enough. I've had enough! (SFX) Just- just shut 'er down, huh? Absolutely had enough. I just have. (SFX) You- you- you've had enough?! You have the gall to call me and tell me that you've had enough, when you're the one harassin' me, fella? I've been listenin' to your horseradish day in, day out, mornin', noon, and night, and I'm through with it! (SFX) You haven't even been here that long. Look, you're messin' me up from watchin' the Olympics. Usain Bolt is about to win three more golds! Do you even care about your country right now? I've heard enough country music comin' outta your joint to last me a lifetime. Now pipe down-''' 'Cause it's the music of angels, sir! Don't you dare talk about country music! You're takin' it to a whole 'nother level with that shit. You need to just cut it out and shut 'er down! '''Pipe down, do it now, and I don't wanna hear anything further from ya. You got me? I'll tell you again, Mr. Wilder- I'm gonna just blow a damn gasket or two, you realize that? Get the kids in bed! Do you hear, there's somebody else on the other line? On your house? We- we're tapin' this call right now, fella. Do you realize that? Sounds like you got about twelve people up 'ere! (SFX) Hold on - up where? I've been hearin' so much nonsense, it's blowin' my mind! (SFX) Look, I think you got some kind of prepaid phone that's causin' all this horseshit - you need to shut 'er down. You're tellin' me I need to shut 'er down? Maybe you're the one that needs to shut 'er down! You got a freak show somethin' fierce up 'ere. (SFX) The audacity of you, sir. You call yourself a gentleman actin' like this? On a Sunday? On Sabbath Day, callin' somebody like this, actin' as their neighbor? I'm appalled. -- INCOMPLETE TRANSCRIPTION – 9:25 – 12:53 has not yet been transcribed. -- (Ring) Hello? This is Smiley Lynch. Your neighbor. (echo effect) Yes. Yes, it is. And I've been hearing way too much commotion coming out of your place last night, the night before. Last night? (sound effects) I'd like to come to some kind of resolution with 'ye. Ok, can I... And it's a mess too. (strange sound effects) Hello? Yeah. See, I'm hearing so much commotion at your place, I can't stand it any more. Now, we got to come to some kind of resolution up 'ere. (this echos and pitch shifts). So, what do you think? I'm not... Sure. I'm not tryin' to give you a hard time, but jeez, take it down a notch. Are you talking to the right person? Do you live in the blue house? I live in the lavender house. Ok. And I got your number from the mailman. Ok. And I don't understand what possesses you, that you gotta bang a drum, or a pot and a pan, at all hours of the night. Eleven o'clock, eleven-thirty, eleven-forty-five... Are you talking about last night? Yes. Yes. Yes I am. (lots of strange sound effects). Uh, you know I think that you're mistaking me for the ones that live in front of me, because they were the ones that stayed up late last night, not us. And the night before, and the day before that, and the night before that. It's around the clock. I heard a snake hissin'. Oh, I heard a propeller spinnin' around. Ohhhhh (sound effects). I heard a tambourine, it seemed like. Two o'clock in the morning. A tambourine? Ohhhhh. Big one. Real big one. A gong was getting pounded on. And I had a meeting a eight o'clock sheearp, and how am I supposed to do that? I can't even concentrate. (sound effects). -- INCOMPLETE TRANSCRIPTION - ~14:25 - ~21:30 has not been transcribed. -- (ring) Transportation Services, this is Mike, how can I help you? Oh yeah, Mike you said? No. Yes. No, no, no. Ah, way too loud at night, Mike. I'm hearing way too much sound coming out of your place. Ah... Out at my place? Uh huh. I wanted to phone you and see if we could bring it down a couple notches. Who is this? I'm Horseshoe, I stay... Horseshoe?!? Yes sir. (Laughing sound effects) I don't know a, I don't know a fucking horseshoe. What fucking horse did you ride in on? You don't know me. Hey, buddy, take it down a notch or two is all I'm askin'. You got it? 'Cause it's way too loud, too much commotion. (laughs) It sounds like you better roll out and dial another number buddy, 'cause you got the wrong guy. Hey, are you reading my mail on that one Charlie? And I want to say there's an odor coming out of your place, it's far out. (laughs, then LPC make laugh sound effect) Well, the only odor be coming out of my place could be bad pussy, but I don't have any, so I ain't got none of that. So... I tell ya, you're gonna get smacked around if you make me call back up 'ere. (Both laugh, LPC's with pitched down effects) I know the voice, but I can't place it. I'm known as Horseshoe around here, and you'll find out more about me if you make me come up 'ere. Alright, well come fucking bring down your shit, and let's just see what you got. Why don't you just button your lip? (brief sound effects) That's behind door number one, you don't want to go behind door number two there, tough guy. Oh, oh yes, surely I will. (laughs) Tell you what, give me a fucking address and I'll show ya. I'll be there first fucking hand. Why don't you just button 'er up... In fact, I'll come over there and fuck you up in your own kitchen. Nah, you sit tight Charlie, and I'll pay you a visit on a foot. HA!!!! And we'll work 'er out. Wha, wha, you know what? wha, wha, I'm too busy to fuck around like this with somebody on the phone. I'll tell you what, you try to have a nice day, 'cause evidently, ah, you're on the bad side of getting out of the fucking world today. So goodbye. (hangup sound) -- INCOMPLETE TRANSCRIPTION - ~23:35 - ~28:39 has not yet been transcribed. -- (ring) Hello –o-o-o-o. Hello? Hellooooo. Hey, I’ve been hearing too much chaos and loud noise from your house at night. Ohhhhh. Can you turn it down, tonight? What’s your name? My name’s Little Anthony. Ohhhh ohhhhhhh ohhhhhhh. Please, it’s much too loud. Okay? Please, I don’t even have anything on…besides my TV. Oh, I need you to turn off your television. Where do you live?!? Put your dogs away. I don’t have dogs! It sounds like you got five, six of ‘em. Can you help me out a little bit? It sounds like you got a lion roaring up ‘ere errrrrrrrr. I don’t know who in the hell you are, but I’ll find out from your phone number (hang up sound) -- INCOMPLETE TRANSCRIPTION – From ~29:30 -33:00 (End of track)has not been transcribed.